Pregnancy brain

The thing is that sometimes this accidentally happens.

 

And sometimes it happens twice in two days.

A visit to the perinatologist.

 

I have a standing date, every two weeks or so, to stop in and visit with the nice folks at the Antenatal Testing Center at Inova Fairfax Hospital. In general, I hate hospitals, but I find that I rather like going to the perinatologist's. Reasons: 

• I have been trapped inside now for 13 weeks. Even the doctor's is exciting. 
• They have a backlog of good magazines including Vogue, People and OK!
• They always give me an ultrasound so that I can see my bayyyyybeeeee! I like having incontrovertable proof that she is still alive. Because even though I feel her kicking and can listen to her heartbeat at home whenever I want (NB: 17 times a day), this is always a relief. 
• One of the nurses there is due just a few days after me, and is the only other person I know in real life who is having a girl. We like to wave at each other and go, "You're SO BIG!" and talk about how we can't sleep properly anymore and how little girl clothes are the cutest. 
• They give me nifty bracelets to wear. (See above). 

I also really like going so that I can see Dr. B, one of the maternal fetal medicine specialists. He's kind of a gruff dude, but early on I promised myself that I would become his friend and melt his chilly exterior with my sunny good humor, all Anne of Green Gables style. He's not quite throwing up his hands and going "Cat-cat!" when I enter the room, but two visits ago, he did smile at one of my jokes. And then last visit he laughed. And then today, he cracked a joke of his own!

"I'd like to see you go at least two more weeks before you have this baby," he said.

HA HA HA HA, Dr. B! Good one! Two weeks! LOL! It's funny because I'm only 33 weeks pregnant and pregnancy is 40 weeks and in two weeks I'll only be 35 weeks and...and why aren't you laughing?

He wasn't laughing because he wasn't joking. So I started to kind of hyperventilate. So many questions were whirling through my mind.

"But I still need to buy a lot of stuff," I said pitifully. That was the thing that my brain settled on at that moment. Shopping. "Do I have time to buy a crib mattress?"

"Are you ordering it from the internet?" said Dr. B. Which was actually kind of funny.

So we are looking at Baby V. maybe being an April baby instead of a May baby. She's not in any danger of anything except possibly not having a crib mattress to sleep on. But I am determined to keep her in longer than two weeks.

She looked healthy and happy during her ultrasound. And HUGE.

Don't believe me?

Apparently four-point-five pounds of baby translates into GIANT HUMP OF BELLY.

...bring May flowers!

My very wonderful mother-in-law hosted a beautiful baby shower for us this past weekend!

 

Some of our favorite parts were celebrating with friends and family, experiencing the warm spring-like weather, being off bed rest for the day, DELICIOUS CAKE, and reading the beautiful and funny messages that people wrote to Baby Girl in her Welcome Baby book. The MASSIVE HEAP of baby swag was pretty nifty, too! It helps me rest a lot more easily at night to know that if Baby were born today, she would have diapers, blankets, some extremely fashionable clothes, and a bib that features Omar from The Wire. After all, what else do you need in life?

Official thank you notes are in the works, but in the meantime, lots of love and gratitude to everybody who helped make the day so wonderful!

Practice makes perfect

Our childbirth class last week was CANCELED, but never fear. James and I have been doing plenty of practicing for when baby comes. And we've gotten some crucial help from a couple of friends.

For instance, we put together our snazzy new stroller (thanks, Aunt Cathy and Uncle Jerry!). It has so many different features, a rain canopy and sun shade and parent console and super swivelly wheels...

...that we might have overlooked the handy basket underneath in which to store things, had not Hank brought it to our attention.

 

Thanks for the demo, Hankie!

Not to be outdone, Malcolm was glad to help us practice the techniques we learned in The Happiest Baby on the Block video, which teaches 5 S's for calming a crying baby. 

1st S: Swaddling

2nd S: Side-holding

3rd S: Shushing

4th S: ...

I honestly don't remember what the 4th S is. I kind of want to say "shaking" but I know that can't be right. It involves jiggling the baby up and down, which led to the cat Scratching and me Screaming. I suppose either of those could work. The 5th S is missing because our test subject escaped under the bed.

And just for fairness' sake, a few pictures of our human child.

31 weeks

Yes, that is my child's vagina. I figure this is my only chance to post a picture of it on the internet without going on some kind of list.

59 days left, as of today!

Recipe!

The Oh, Shit, Dairy Queen is Closed and I am Seven Months Pregnant Faux Blizzard Flavor Treat

Ingredients:

-one extremely patient and understanding husband
-one Kitchen Aid mixer, received as Christmas present from awesome aunt
-paddle attachment for same
-cup that is kind of shaped like a Dairy Queen cup, for purposes of verisimilitude because that is important
-iced tea spoon with long handle (see above; IMPORTANT)

Oh, and a pint of vanilla Haagen-Dazs. And one king-size Snickers.

Obviously I passed my gestational diabetes test. Wilfred Brimley and the Lorax are both very pleased.

How the glucose screening went.

Today I had my screening test to check for gestational diabetes. I went in to the lab, was given 10 oz of orange glucose drink, and was told to drink it down within five minutes. An hour later I'd have my blood drawn to...I don't know, make sure I still had some. I guess.

Everyone who's ever been pregnant and had this test done will warn you about it and make it sound really scary (migraines! puking!) or tell you how gross the drink tastes (like flat orange soda! or cough syrup!) but I was pleasantly surprised to find out it didn't taste too bad. In fact, it reminded me of those sugary drinks in the plastic barrels with the foil tops that I used to have as a kid. My mom would buy me one at the Food Lion if I behaved myself while she did the grocery shopping. So there was a Pavlovian response built right in, and I started the test feeling pretty good!

The taste got a little old about halfway through, but I was prepared to soldier through.

What I wasn't prepared for? Was the sugar crash that came next.

35 minutes later

45 minutes later

One hour later

I should get the results tomorrow or early next week. But in the meantime, I'm going to sleep. And then when I wake up, I am going to single-handedly eat the quart of ice cream I made James buy me as a reward on the way home. For training purposes. Next time, sugar, I'm coming for YOU.

Into the third trimester

Today I am officially 26 weeks pregnant, or two-thirds of the way done baking this baby. Entering the third trimester is an important milestone. It means that Baby V weighs almost two pounds and that in just over three months, I'll be someone's mom.

It also means that it's time for a photoshoot in front of the pantry!

Please note in the background the Zulu shield and the unbaby-proofed, death-trap kitchen.

This picture below was not taken in front of the pantry, but I love it all the same because from the way I'm posing, it looks like I have perky 1940s hair. And that I am about to make out with William Powell. 

Starring Cathy as Myrna Loy and the bump as Asta.

In celebration of the fact that we officially have less than 100 days to learn how to keep a baby alive, James and I went out for lunch today. Yay! We went to our favorite Korean restaurant. Han Gang is amazing in general, but it's perfect for a pregnant lady, because of the sheer amount of food they give you.

By the time we left, this table looked like it had been overrun with uber-destructive, Little House on the Prairie style locusts.

Happy third trimester, Baby V.!